One lesson I learned very quickly living the military life, is that being alone is something that you get used to uncomfortably quickly. Even when my husband was not deployed he was still gone here and there for training. Granted nothing truly prepares you for deployment, but you learn that being alone is not a choice.
The first time my husband and our family were separated was for a seven month stretch while he was away at training. During this time his birthday came and passed, as did Easter and many school functions. My children also celebrated another year of life, and we welcomed our third child into the world, just all without a father being present.
As hard as it seems to go through, living these certain situations are something that come and go no matter who is there or not. Because the truth of the matter is life keeps moving, even if you so greatly want it to stand still. So this made the times that we were finally back together more of a getting to know each other again. This is a tough lesson that I learned extremely quickly; during these years of our lives, I am going to spend much of it getting use to my husband over and over again.
One sentence I heard more and more after moving here was that we will just get use to having our spouses back in time to see them leave. I just never truly understood how powerful that statement really was.
I had just gotten use to having my husband back around in time for him to leave for two weeks of schooling. After that is was thirty days of training and finally gone for a twelve month deployment. Now do not get me wrong, I am not complaining about him being gone, not that I enjoy it, but it is part the job. The point of this all, is that no matter how many times he leaves I do not have a choice, I am alone. And no matter how long of a stretch he is gone for, I feel as though we never really are use to being a family.
The unnerving part to me is how fast I fall into living a life as a single mother. Days go by, celebrations go by, we get sick, and we even cry at times. The only thing we cannot do is have time stand still, let those situations and moments just wait until he is back with us again. I do not feel as though we ever skip a beat though just because my husband is away serving his country. I often wonder that is something horrible were to happen, would I fall right into being so comfortably alone as quickly? The great part of our situation though is that at the end of this journey my husband IS coming home. I do have a husband, and my children have a father, that we can talk to at times, and we will see soon. Although I hope I never get the true answer to know if I will fall into place if I am ever truly left alone, my heart does break for those who have lost loved ones in this war, or just in life.
It is a gamble that we take I suppose in everyday life. We never really know when the answer will fall upon on. I just feel as though this journey is preparing myself and my family for the ‘what ifs’. I am proud to live this life, and I feel as though it has made me a stronger person in general. I know now that I can do things I never thought I could. I know now that I can take on tough situations alone, and know that it will turn out okay in the end. I know now that I am truly blessed to have my husband gone, because as I stated before he is coming home. And I cannot wait to get to know him again.
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