The Deployment Journey For The Spouse

I have been seeing a lot of posts via the internet about military spouses having a tough time making it through deployments, and their deployments have just begun. Many of these women are virgins of the deployment, but some are in fact veterans.

Months ago I wrote a blog and made a comment stating how fast you get used to being alone, it really is unnerving. Now I understand that we are all different and events effect us all differently. I underestimated the magnitude to which the numbers of the dramatic effects go.

Doctors are diagnosing military wives with PTSD, being left alone being the traumatic part. I am not saying that this is not correct, or that wives are being a bit too emotional. What I am sayting is that here is a perfect time to step back, look at your life, and do what we preach to our military members everyday... get help. Do not wait until your spouse returns and then realize that you indeed are not getting better, get the help that you need before you need it. There are many programs set in place by the military to help spouses get through these tough times. This of course is if you can get out of bed, or off the couch to do so.

Try and take some of the emotional times and turn them into something special, here are some examples:

You just spent the past two days moping around - You just spent the past two days doing something you would not do if your husband was home... you were lazy!

You are spending the holidays alone - These are great times to reflect on what you truly have, if you have children this is a great time to talk to them about what is truly special in life. If you are invited to spend them with a friend's family, really contemplate it, it could be fun.

Your car broke down - Trust me, seems as though it always happens when your spouse is gone! If it is something simple, try to learn how to fix it yourself. There is nothing more powerful then know YOU could do it.

You cry.. a lot - Great, let it out! I have said before that you always know a military spouse when they cry in the grocery store. It is okay to cry, these are good times to remind yourself what you are going through, and how strong you have been.

I understand that these are easier said than done, but try. Try to get up today and go see something that you have not yet seen. If you have one head over to the USO office and see what activities that they are hosting. See what the surrounding areas are doing, with a military post nearby there are usually many different things to see and do. DO NOT be afraid to talk to a doctor, remember your other half is gone. The person that you normally share things with is gone, so do not hesitate to talk to someone else.

The most important thing to remember is that after today there is tomorrow, and so on. Before you know it you will be half way done, and soon it will be over. It may not seem like it right now, but it will all be a memory soon. Do not beat yourself up too bad, this is a deployment for your spouse and a journey for you!

A Military Poem

There are many days of a lifetime love

Sometimes we think that we cannot do

What many say is impossibly above

The life of the normal and civilian too

**

                                                                                                 

There are many days that we sit and cry

Too many to clarify how or even why

**

We have days that we wonder

How can we go any more

With the lightning and thunder

We just find a rug and sweep it all under

**

The months go by and we think they will never end

Then a day comes that we cannot even speak to a friend

**

With a ring of the door and a glimpse out the window

I fall to the ground and sob like a widow

**

I was new to the service but knew of the men

Three all dressed and ready to try and mend

**

A heart that is broken

With the wind of the day

I am not sure I can live, we just had until May

**

Now all alone I am not sure what to do

I look right down and I am staring at you

**

Your dad was a hero

A man of little words

He always talked about you

I swear even to the birds

**

He was never able to meet you

We fell two months short

But he will always protect you

Even if from Heaven's port

The Military

The military goes back hundreds of years, and it is no secret that it is a controversy among many. There are many that support the military and many who do not. This is not a blog today to sway you either way, but to let you into my mind for a minute to allow you to see my perspective.

I am not from a military family, I do not remember all but one member of service in my entire family. That did not sway my view on the military and the want to just hug every service member I saw. There is something to be said for men and women who give their freedom of doing what they want to giving themselves for the freedom of others.

It was not until my husband joined the military that seeing what these service members really do became a reality. Now there are many things that you see from some men and woman that was a slap in the face, but remembering that these are still normal human beings reminds me that mistakes in personal lives are still made. There is also the reminder that out of uniform you cannot tell the difference between a military member and a civilian, but when that uniform is on they are nothing of the ordinary. There are nights that they do not sleep, there are days that they do not rest, and there are moments that all they want is a home cooked meal.

My belief is that whether you are for or against the war until you put your feet in those boots and do what they do you have no right to judge these men and woman for doing their job, and protecting your freedom. I feel that it is much easier to sit in your recliner and voice your opinion than to get up and do something for someone other than yourself.

As I am sitting here writing this I have the television on in the background, why I do not know. On the show that has nothing to do with military, a soldier comes into contact with the person on the show and his face is scarred, while in Afghanistan and an IED exploded burning off his face and more. I cannot help but tear up, not necessarily for what he has to deal with the rest of his life, but for the sacrifices he gave up and still has that uniform on. These men and woman not only give up their time and a huge piece of their freedom, but they do it knowing the dangers that they will face.

Between the dangers, the emotions, the families and the friends these service members have given their lives up for you. And whether you are for or against these men and women you should show your respect, as there could come a day that you are in danger, and they would not hesitate to protect you no matter your belief.

To Cry or Not To Cry, That Is The Question

We are strong, we are flexible, we are the silent ranks. We never fail, we never are defeated, and we definitely never cry over spilt milk. Okay the last three were complete lies, and if you disagree with that then well.... you are a mutant.

I did a blog a while back about letting your emotions out and understanding that it is okay. I thought in this blog I would cover some more emotions that we are too prideful to talk about.

Picture this: You take your children to the store ensuring that it is to be quick in and out trip, all you need is bread and milk. As you go into the store you greet the greeter, say hello to some fellow spouses and merrily go about your way. Your children are acting amazing(remember you just walked in), so far so good. BAM the milk hits the floor as you pull it out of the cooler and just spills a little onto the floor. That's it, you lose it, the tears come and they cannot stop. The store assures you it is fine, and they take care of the clean-up. Now your kids are over the trip and want to go home NOW. You are so frustrated that you start whispering in a very threatening way that they are in so much trouble for acting out, and you rush out of the store, nothing in hand. As you get into the car you kids are screaming wanting to know why they are in trouble and you for some reason cannot stop the waterworks, and all you can think is how bad you want your other half there. Over spilt milk really!? Yes, really.

There it was, the breakdown that your mind has been needing and you had no idea was coming. Welcome to the military. There are moments that we all have that not many, especially civilians, understand. There is a moment in being a military spouse that all of the running around and all of the keeping the pieces together when everything seems to crumble. Now another thing that many do not understand is how within hours, we are fine again, well as fine as we can be. I am not saying that civilians do not carry similar burdens on their backs as well, but there are many hidden emotions that only military spouses will understand.

I am specifically saying 'military spouses' because I truly feel that even the military member has little to no idea the weight that is carried on the shoulder of their better half, I mean other half....

There is the obvious deployment, or deployments. These are the hard ones to deal with emotionally. If you have children you are not only attempting to reassure yourself that you are fine, you are reassuring your children as well. There is never a moment that you are not thinking about your spouse hoping and praying that they are okay. They truth of the matter is, we all know that there is a delay in the message being relayed to us on the home front if anything happens so the edge is never taken off.

There are training exercises. These if you are lucky take place on the post you are stationed at, if you're lucky. In most cases, just to toy with us I think, they are not. They are in another state usually far away. And in many cases you are not in much contact with your spouse during this time, which can last from a few weeks to a few months. When you take away the emotion of your husband being away at war, it is almost easier for them to be deployed for a 12 month period. During the deployment you know that they will not be home soon, you know that you will not hear from them for days at a time, you know that you can sit around in your pajamas all day if you want. I never did that....... but you could if you wanted to. When they are away at training there is a date that, to us, is not that far away so it is a waiting game. And trust me, the waiting game can kill you!

There is schooling that is required, again, usually not on the same post. All of these add up to a lot of "me" time. And I don't know many spouses that do not get sick of themselves after a while.

So many things that play an effect on our emotions, too many to count. Seeing dad's or mom's at the park, or let's be honest anywhere; military movies or any movies with happy families, or let's be honest families at all; hallmark movies, or commercials, these are the worst I cannot talk about it, it is too emotional. These simple things and so many more are reminders of what we are missing, and what we could potentially lose forever. It is a great reminder that we do not fully appreciate what we have until it is gone.

A Quick After The Election Blog

Whew! What an election! I can honestly say that although there are MANY unhappy people today and equally as many happy people there is something to be said for the passion we have for our country. I hope at least that is why emotions are running high and not because we want “our guy” to win just so we can rub it in another’s face.

There will never be a president that can make everyone happy, there will never be anything that will make everyone happy, that is a guarantee. One thing we need to keep in mind is that as passionate as we feel our opinion is, it is just that, an opinion. As strong as we may feel about something, someone else may feel just as strong, but in the other direction. The important part of this election, and the next four years with President Obama is that although we may not agree we will stand behind this nation, he may not stand under God, but I will, and he cannot stop that. There are many good points to his presidency, but there are some not so good points as well, as it would be with any president. My point to this blog today is that we cannot change the world, nor can one man, but we need to come to the agreement that we will never be fully satisfied.

Do not hate your neighbor for having a different opinion, embrace the fact that you both can have and voice that opinion freely. Do not hate your friend because he feels differently about religion as you do, embrace that fact that we have religion and the freedom to embark on the religion of our choice. Do not hate the person walking down the street because they are wearing something that you find appalling, or disgraceful love the fact that you woke up this morning with a roof over your head and got to freely choose what you put on your body. We all have different opinions, keep this in mind today as you start up your conversations regarding the president. Things will change, some will stay the same, either way it is scary and by no means predictable. It is easy to say that we can change the world, but the fact is that without all of us thinking the same and feeling the same passion the world will be something of a mystery. That is the beautiful thing about this country and the freedom to feel and speak as we please.

We All Have Something In Our Lives That Weigh Heavy On Our Hearts

The months are passing so fast this year it seems and now that the end of the year is coming upon us we are faced yet again with another year without the man of our family. This Army experience will total 5 ½ years when we are done with it, and we have been a whole family for 2 of them. I am not complaining that he has missed so much, because honestly we have been blessed to have had him with us for that long. But I am having a hard time knowing that this part of our lives will be over in a little over a year. This means no more sleepless nights worrying about his safety, no more running from the news afraid to hear of more deaths and hoping it was not where he was located, and no more wondering when he will be home for dinner. In the same breath though this also means no more helicopters flying overhead in the middle of the night, no more artillery shaking our house at all hours, no more driving to the store and seeing soldiers in formation, these things that I strangely love so much. I could go on and on with the things that I will miss about this lifestyle, but the truth of it is, I will just plain miss this lifestyle altogether.

I will never look at a single parent the same, nor will I see a child with his parent the same either. Seeing a women in the grocery store break out into tears because she dropped her purse will always make my stomach drop, and hearing gunfire at a funeral will always make me cry. Situations that we do not understand and in no means have to, but we can understand enough that we all have something in our lives that weighs heavy on our hearts.

As a person in the military you learn so much and you take so much from the situations that you endure. Rightfully so, you also take a lot on your mind and emotions that you may not be able to describe. I do not feel as though as a spouse we have a lot of right to complain, as we are not the ones that have leave or the ones in direct harm’s way. With that said, I cannot help but feel so many emotions of this lifestyle that I do not want to leave behind. As we get closer to moving away and entering the full blown civilian lifestyle I am realizing how much the military has affected me as a spouse as well. I have made friendships that I will never find again, the understanding that you could have a friend for 6 months and they never once have met your spouse. I have realized in myself that I can do this on my own, I can be a single parent and make sense of it all while being so confused along the way. I will never look at Skype the same again as it was my life for 12 months. So many things that I am taking with me that I never in a million years thought would affect me so much, and yet here I sit, tearful as I think about it.

I do not really have a point to today’s blog, other than to put down in writing my love for the military. Not all of it was good, not all of it was bad, but it is what it is. It is a life that I will never forget and a life that many will never live. It is a life that has made me feel emotions I never knew I had, and has made me love my husband in ways I never thought possible.  I will cherish the years we spent living in this strange lifestyle, but I will never cherish it more than I will cherish this last sprint of our journey.

So here is to the next journey in our life, knowing that this is our last Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years until another whole year has passed. And oddly enough, I would not change it for anything in the world.