We are strong, we are flexible, we are the silent ranks. We never fail, we never are defeated, and we definitely never cry over spilt milk. Okay the last three were complete lies, and if you disagree with that then well.... you are a mutant.
I did a blog a while back about letting your emotions out and understanding that it is okay. I thought in this blog I would cover some more emotions that we are too prideful to talk about.
Picture this: You take your children to the store ensuring that it is to be quick in and out trip, all you need is bread and milk. As you go into the store you greet the greeter, say hello to some fellow spouses and merrily go about your way. Your children are acting amazing(remember you just walked in), so far so good. BAM the milk hits the floor as you pull it out of the cooler and just spills a little onto the floor. That's it, you lose it, the tears come and they cannot stop. The store assures you it is fine, and they take care of the clean-up. Now your kids are over the trip and want to go home NOW. You are so frustrated that you start whispering in a very threatening way that they are in so much trouble for acting out, and you rush out of the store, nothing in hand. As you get into the car you kids are screaming wanting to know why they are in trouble and you for some reason cannot stop the waterworks, and all you can think is how bad you want your other half there. Over spilt milk really!? Yes, really.
There it was, the breakdown that your mind has been needing and you had no idea was coming. Welcome to the military. There are moments that we all have that not many, especially civilians, understand. There is a moment in being a military spouse that all of the running around and all of the keeping the pieces together when everything seems to crumble. Now another thing that many do not understand is how within hours, we are fine again, well as fine as we can be. I am not saying that civilians do not carry similar burdens on their backs as well, but there are many hidden emotions that only military spouses will understand.
I am specifically saying 'military spouses' because I truly feel that even the military member has little to no idea the weight that is carried on the shoulder of their better half, I mean other half....
There is the obvious deployment, or deployments. These are the hard ones to deal with emotionally. If you have children you are not only attempting to reassure yourself that you are fine, you are reassuring your children as well. There is never a moment that you are not thinking about your spouse hoping and praying that they are okay. They truth of the matter is, we all know that there is a delay in the message being relayed to us on the home front if anything happens so the edge is never taken off.
There are training exercises. These if you are lucky take place on the post you are stationed at, if you're lucky. In most cases, just to toy with us I think, they are not. They are in another state usually far away. And in many cases you are not in much contact with your spouse during this time, which can last from a few weeks to a few months. When you take away the emotion of your husband being away at war, it is almost easier for them to be deployed for a 12 month period. During the deployment you know that they will not be home soon, you know that you will not hear from them for days at a time, you know that you can sit around in your pajamas all day if you want. I never did that....... but you could if you wanted to. When they are away at training there is a date that, to us, is not that far away so it is a waiting game. And trust me, the waiting game can kill you!
There is schooling that is required, again, usually not on the same post. All of these add up to a lot of "me" time. And I don't know many spouses that do not get sick of themselves after a while.
So many things that play an effect on our emotions, too many to count. Seeing dad's or mom's at the park, or let's be honest anywhere; military movies or any movies with happy families, or let's be honest families at all; hallmark movies, or commercials, these are the worst I cannot talk about it, it is too emotional. These simple things and so many more are reminders of what we are missing, and what we could potentially lose forever. It is a great reminder that we do not fully appreciate what we have until it is gone.
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