This is for you bully.

According to bing.com a bully is as stated; aggressive person: an aggressive person who intimidates or mistreats weaker people.

October is anti-bully awareness month, and many schools and organizations are doing their part to raise awareness to the growing trend.

I have had numerous friends talking about the issues that their children are having at school with bullies and the tough times that their children are having dealing with it. I understand that bullying is something that comes with life, something that has been around since man learned to sin. It is hard in this day and time with the growing ability to find and look at anything on the internet, television, movies,  and more. Bullying seems to be something that is getting harsher and dealt from the hand at a very young age. So what now, how to we stop it?

The sad reality is that we will never be able to stop it. Bullying is something that will do nothing but grow as we live and the unfortunate victims will just need to learn how to deal with it. With all of this said, I have chose to not write a blog about how I think we stop bullying but rather to take this time to say a few words to all the bullies out there.

You are human, you are alive, you are breathing and bleed just like everyone else. You have hair and nails, and most likely wear underwear. So how do I know that you are indeed a bully? You are all of these things and much much more. You are hateful, you are weak, you are spiteful, and you are pathetic. Do I think that you are worthless, no, I think that you need a reality check, and I think that you perhaps needed better guidance.

Bullying comes in many forms, stating how someone looks in a negative way, stating that someone sounds funny for the way that they talk, laughing when someone else is being picked on, putting your hands on someone else, yelling at someone, throwing things, I could go on and on. The point is bullying comes in many shapes and forms, and you may think that you are the one on the outside, but evaluate yourself and truly take notice on how you treat others.

What is the point, what do you really gain from picking on another, and do you really actually gain anything from it. Your friends laugh at what you do and you feel a sense of power, but you need to realize they are laughing with you because they do not want to be the ones laughed at. Your superiors look at you as a weakling, not because you are physically, but that you are too weak to take the path of being kind and understanding and instead take the path of attempting to be on top. You will grow up to be a bully and teach your children to be bullies, and your adult friends will wonder why you are the way you are.

You see, you bully those around you to make yourself feel as though you are in power, but the reality of it is you are the one on the outside. Others look at you as the odd one, the one that is different.

Have you never been hurt? Have you never been sad, or felt what it is like to lose? And have you been happy and excited for something? Have you felt love from another, or ever lost someone that is close to you. Take all of these emotions and wrap them together, your victims, the ones you pray on,  and for some this could many, as the victim you feel all of these emotions wrapped into one. You are always hurt, you are always lost, you can be happy and sad at the same time. It is not funny or "cool" to make someone hurt this way.

Bullying is something that everyone will deal with at some point in their lives, I use this as a way to teach my own children that they do not like the way it feels, and at no point should they make others feel this way.

Learn from your hatred that you can change, you can be better. Learn from your hatred that you do not have to be this way, and that you are stronger by choosing a different path. You are weaker the meaner you are, and you are sad to watch.

Next time you get the urge to punch or speak with hate, try something different, say something else or say nothing at all. If you are an adult, think of your children, maybe they will be the ones that will be bullied, maybe they will be the ones hurt by someone just as yourself.

And to the victims

God made us all equal, it does not mean that some are better looking than others, or there is a right or wrong way to speak. Our body types are not meant to be the same, or judged. And if you are the one being bullied, my heart breaks for you, but know that this moment in your life does not last forever. You will grow up, and you will instill in others, or maybe just yourself, that pride that you were not the one dealing the hate, but that you survived it. You are stronger than any bully, it does not need to be physically, but emotionally also. Bullies are weak and worthless in their actions. Bullies target those that they see as different and threatening to their own character. Bullies are lost and will never be found if they cannot change. You are a warrior.

Here We Go Again

It seems as though my husband just got home from his 12 month deployment to Iraq, and now we are preparing for 15 months in Korea. I am not sad, but I am bummed. We still have six months until he actually leaves, two of which he will be gone for schooling, so we will say four months. But now that the transportation is being scheduled, and the discussions of what will be taken with him are being had I cannot help but think of all of the things he is going to miss once again.

Last years Halloween was the second one he had spent with our daughter, she is eight. The birthdays that he missed will be missed again this year, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Groundhogs day, Grandparents day, Secretaries day and more. Alright, half of those are not important, nor could I tell you the dates of them. For my children though my heart hurts a bit at the fact that he will not be here.

I am so very thankful though for technology right now, Skype of course is our way of communication when he is away, and I fully understand that many do not have that blessing. And of course the fact that he will be in Korea and not Afghanistan is weight lifted off of my shoulders, and although he is not happy that he will not be doing a tour in Afghanistan I cannot help but be thankful.

The biggest difference this time around is I will be moving home. Due to some complications out of my control I will be leaving my amazing new home and moving closer to my family. I am getting excited about seeing everyone and being able to have the support, but as any military wife will tell you it just is not the same.

I saw a sign the other day that read 'You know you’re a military wife when your neighbors have never met or seen your husband', that is more true than I can explain. While moving home is great, it lacks the true understanding of what it is like to see your husband two years in the past five and a half. It lacks the true understanding of a wife tearing up when she sees a dad with his children at the grocery store. It lacks the true understanding of holding your breath when you hear of helicopter crash or death of a military member on the news. For these reasons and more I will miss this home so very much.

I thank God that we have three children that are more and more flexible as the years go on. My husband and I have always said we would make the most out of any where we go and our children have followed that path. The fact of the matter is that our children are use to things being given to them and then just as quickly ripped away. At least once every two weeks one of my children will come home with frosting on their face and I will ask them if they have had yet another birthday in their class and more times than not they will answer no. The cupcakes are brought by the children on the last day they will be there. My children make friends and then lose friends, they get comfortable with a doctor and then the doctor gets reassigned, they get use to having dad home and he is gone again. And yet, they move on.

I spoke with a woman in the commissary the other day that had married her husband nine months ago and that was when she became a military spouse. Her husband was immediately assigned to Korea and she had been here with her two boys alone the whole time. She was ready for him to be home and told me that she was not cut out for the military life. Her last statement to me though I feel proved her own statement wrong. As we said goodbye and I wished her luck she said thank you and that she was one more day ahead of yesterday. That is it right there. No situation is the same, and we all cope differently, but remembering that you can never rewind or slow time down does not hurt in moments like these.  

We have been grateful that my husband has spent the last year very close to home. With little training exercises and schools here on post we have not had to share him too much with the military passed his duty times. I am grateful for this.

So here is to another year apart, and to all the times we have had together in this past year. Here is to all of the other families that are much worse off than us, and to the families that will say goodbye many more times. Here is to my friends that I have made in this lifestyle that will understand more than others. And here is to the moments that have been taken away forever.

Why Hello Reality

There are points in my life that I just feel are a waste of time. Points in my life like crying over a call with the cable company, not because I had to call them or because I am mad because my service is horrible, it is, but that is not the point. The reason is that I have just gotten off of the phone with the phone company, the child care center, the internet provider and none of which were  any help. So now at this point the poor schmuck on the line with the cable company has just unleashed my waterfall of tears for no apparent reason. That point has been reached that I am now wasting my time getting upset over something that is meaningless.

And there it is.... reality. What I would not give to be 5 again. To not understand what reality truly is, or that there is even a word REALITY. I can nap still if I want and if I see someone crying I can just make a strange face and go on my merry way, picking my nose if I please.

Not now, reality is alive and kicking me when I am down at certain times.

I have a great life, children who for the most part are well behaved and have a passion for being kind to others, a husband that is a military man that has so much pride in his career. I have friends that I could have never found in the civilian world, and a job outlook that is bright. And then I am greeted by Frank, from the middle east; that is not what bothers me, I do not mind that most of the time I cannot understand him, what bothers me, is that he is no help. Reality, that is what they should say when they answer the phone, "Hello, thank you for calling and get ready for a swift kick of reality." These are all things that we all expect, and nothing that is to get upset about, but this situation multiplied by all of the other phone calls I have made today makes me just plain feel old. I now understand my mother's mild insanity when it comes to bills. (Kidding mother.)

To tell you the truth I do not think it is even the bills that can make a person go insane it is just life. Maybe you made that phone call after a bad day at work, or after you got terrible news. Maybe you made that phone after you stubbed your toe, or realized you put eye liner on as lip liner. It is just life. I feel like they should just bundle the issues we deal with like they do our phone service. That way next time you call and speak with Frank, he can just get it all out of the way for you at once, "Hello, and thank you for calling. Today we will discuss your child's grades, why you are always out of gas, that you do not get a vacation, all of the innocent people killed by selfish others, the war, and let's not forget that you are being charged $39.95 per minute for this phone call. So let's start with your name." Then, after all of this you can cry and not feel so bad about it.

I know it may seem as though I have lost my mind. The truth is I am just taking the long way to get my point. Reality sucks. It is an ugly thing, and yet has so many beautiful outcomes. In these simple times that seem to weigh so heavy on us, remember that it is okay to cry. Sometimes your body may just be screaming for a release, and it may come out at the strangest times. There are always situations that are going to hurt or frustrate us, but the fact is that if you are crying or mad, you are in fact alive. You are here one more day dealing with reality, and just remember that you have a lot of seconds in your life, but tomorrow is not a guarantee. So cry, but make sure that you do not only see the harsh sides of reality, but cry at the beautiful moments too.

Is Being a Mom Really For Me?

As I sit here and type this up, my youngest child is crying that he is going to “clean!” There are two problems with this; first, it is nap time…. so cleaning is not even on my mind right now and second he fails to ever clean when told too. Now he just turned three so I do give him some leeway in the cleaning department, but of course he is suppose to clean up after himself, just not when he is suppose to be sleeping. As of right now he has made 4 bathroom trips, fallen off the couch twice, made up three songs, put on a pair of shoes, and even told me to make sure that he is not doing anything wrong….. sigh.

Sometimes I wonder if being a stay at home mom is really the job for me, or being a mom at all. Do not judge me, we all have these feelings. Not that I would ever trade my children in, most of the time at least, and I would never give up the life that I have for anything. That does not mean that there are not natural frustrations to go along with parenting.

It is like every time that I buy something for my husband and my middle son tells him that we did NOT buy him… exactly what it was. Or if we use a public restroom and the children have to narrate EVERYTHING that is going on. My son asked me today at the grocery store why that woman looks like a man. Really? And it seems as though when these types of situations happen they are not just a setback in the day, but a notice that this is the theme for the entire rest of the day.

I know all of those parents out there can think of at least one situation that your child/children have said or done something that made you sweat in public without you having to do anything physical. Or even those without children, seeing things happen in stores or restaurants that make you wonder what the heck is going on here! We have all been there, no matter how well behaved your children are, there are always those moments.

My daughter is famous for correcting me when I am telling a story, as if I am lying about the entire thing. She is shy the entire time, unless I make a mishap in recalling a story. She also loves to remind me of how bad my memory is and how I forget everything. At least I think that is what she tells me.

My middle son is famous for being overly emotional. He cries whenever we have to leave a friend’s house, or if he has to eat something that he does not like, which is not much. It is not a normal temper tantrum cry though, it is as if you just broke is heart.

And then there is my youngest son. The one that began this blog… he has relocated from the couch to the floor next to me, after yet another bathroom break of course. Oh yes, my youngest, he is child in his own.

So do I truly wish that I was not a mom? No, these children are my lives, and although they have many times that I wonder what in the world they are doing I would never trade those times for the oh so many times of laughter and love. Because thankfully my children are not always this way, and more than anything they are all full of compassion.

My daughter is truly famous for her brain and her heart. She loves to give away her toys to children that are less fortunate, and calls her younger brothers sweetie or honey if they are upset.

My middle son is a character, he loves to make others laugh and is the first one to give hugs and kisses. He will randomly walk out just say I love you, and is never afraid to share.

And then there of course is my youngest, who right now is break dancing in front of me, as though he is invisible. He is famous for his ability to make us all laugh so hard. Although sometimes he creates frustration, when it is all said and done, it is always hard to stay serious. He is always full of cuddles, and great at melting your heart.

Parenthood. It is a great journey and a wonderful test of patience, and overall a great way to see life through the innocent mind of a child.

Rules

I love this life, I love this home, I love this tradition. I am starting to think though, that I do not love the rules. I do not mean the rules that state that we cannot ride our bikes without a helmet, or a motorcycle without all of the protective gear on. I am also not speaking of the fact that we cannot park our camper in our driveway, or that we are not aloud to change the oil on our cars in our driveways. Strangely none of these bother me all that much, well maybe that camper one. Seriously, it's just a camper! (I will save that for another blog) Anyways, what does bother me is that here I am in a life that I love, and rules that really are not that bad, and yet the one that I cannot control is the one I hate the most, death.

You see all of the posts on Facebook with the photos of the wife at the graveside and the transparent soldier holding her, or the child receiving the flag at his fathers funeral. We all look and get sad, sometimes shed a tear, but that is about as far as it goes. I was reading the newspaper the other weekend, and it had pictures of families releasing balloons, all of them there for the same reason; they had lost a loved one in war. I have made mention of the many funerals that I have witnessed at the end of the street where the Chapel is, but it was not until I saw this picture that it really sank in. There were so many people, so many wives, children, mother's, father's, husband, and friends. There have been so many lives lost not only in the hands of the enemies, but in the hearts of the families.

We as Army wives sit and wait a lot of the time. We are left alone, and here to deal with the issues of everyday life. We cry at night after the busy day is over, and we pray to ourselves that our loved ones are brought home safe. The part that I cannot wrap my head around though is that we cannot help those who have lost. The fact of the matter is that no matter how much you do for a family that has been dealt this horrific hand, the one thing they need you cannot give them. They need to know why, they need to feel the warmth of the one that was taken away, they need to be able to instil in their children why daddy is never coming home again, and the strength to not break down when the kids sob in sorrow.

I understand that we came into this lifestyle with the understanding that not everyone will come home in one piece, or at all for that matter. And for those of you that are against the war, or military, or do not appreciate those that have served I want you to read that again. We all came into this lifestyle with full understanding that you may die, your loved one may not come home, and that your children may never see one of their parents again. And yet here we are, living this lifestyle. Strange, how different it seems typing it as apposed to living it. Never would I sit and think it is all that special to live this life, and I still do not see my family as anything special in itself. And yet when I look at those families who have lost, those families that have given the ultimate sacrifice, I am set back for a moment on how real this lifestyle is.

So here I sit all sappy in my husbands chair. Maybe it is because I am tired, maybe it is because there are soldiers deploying by the handful right now, or maybe it was that picture. But I am so thankful that I have lived this lifestyle, I am so thankful that I got to experience the ups and downs, and highs and lows. I am thankful that I get to see the sorrow of the families that have lost; I do not like that they have, but I appreciate that I can understand without ignorance the true honor that it is to live beside these men and women.

I know that in the end it is God that makes the rules of why these things are happening. I also understand that those who have chose to take the lives of the innocent are those of the Devil. But I am hoping that one day, I can make a rule like those that made the rule against my camper sitting in my driveway to just bring understanding and happiness to the families of the lost.

Thank you to those who serve and have served this amazing country. And to the families that have lost, and sacrificed day after day. 

I'm Stuck

I have been sending my resume out for about a week now, and have been to interviews already and still have more to come. I get really excited to think about the job that I am interviewing for and the fact of being back out in the workforce. Then I lay in bed at night, and think about how I have to leave my children with someone else, and I lose my thunder.

It is so hard to think about leaving my children, and yet it is hard to not be working. I know that there are many stay at home moms that feel this way, but is it really so hard???

At this point I have been a stay at home mother for three years now, I have been able to raise my youngest since he was born. I have not been to a real job in three years, and I have not missed any school functions in three years. I was there for my middle child's first day of Preschool, and my daughters Kindergarten graduation. There is no calling in when my children are sick, and no worrying about being late when my hair is not working out. I can make a fool of myself while "working" and no one will know. Well unless my children tell, which is normally how it works out.

When I worked I was able to get away. Now as a parent you know that we love our children dearly, but having some adult conversations can get you through just about anything. I felt a sense of power because I was important to people that were not related to me. I was not only staying home being a mother, but I was going to work everyday then coming home and finishing up the day with my family. And not to mention the paycheck... it was not much, but it was a paycheck. I was contributing to my family and to the income that supported us.

Then of course there is the dreaded daycare. Not only the stress of finding one that you are comfortable with, but also one that you can afford. Is it really worth it in the end, if I am merely breaking even? They are getting the experience of being around other children. They are also exposed to education that we may not provide at home.

So here I am... I'm stuck. Which direction do I go? Do I hand my children over to someone else to care for just so that I may enter back into the adult world? Do I hand my children over to someone else to care for just so that I can make a few extra bucks? Do I hand my children over to someone else to care for just so that I may feel the sense of importance?

I guess we will see where this journey takes me, but for now I will tend to my children. I will enjoy every ounce of love that they carry, and all of the lessons that they are not only learning, but also teaching me as well.

Red Rover

“Green light!”

“Red Light!”

“Gotcha!”

My children and husband were on our way home from the park one evening and after a short race with the kids, my husband asked if they wanted to play ‘Red light, green light’, to both his and my surprise they did not know what that game was.

I watched for a few minutes, in awe of how lucky I am to have a husband who adores our children enough to spend his extra time teaching them a silly game. I also got thinking to myself how sad it is that there a lot of children who have no idea how to play that game, or know how to fish, or have any idea what an encyclopedia is.

Do not get me wrong, I love technology(hence the blog), but I also feel that it is so much more important to equipped our children with the lessons that we learned as children, and maybe add a 20^th century twist to it.

For example, get off your butts and get outside. How you say it to your children is up to you, but let us remember that before shipping our small children outside by themselves, we need to remember that we are in the new age of technology. There are people out there that can find us very easy and very quickly, there are people out there that can get on a computer and find which street houses the most children. And then pray on them. I live on a military installation, and much to my surprise children run freely around the neighborhoods, small children. Now I know I have touched base on this before, but once again we are all human, just because we live the military life does not mean that each and every one of us is purely good. So remember when telling your children to head outside, join them. Protect them, while teaching them simple games that you played as a child. Join them for a game of soccer, or a nice round of tag.

And then there are video games, and all of the controversy that goes along with them. I have to admit, I am not a fan of letting my children play games all the time. And I do feel as if playing violent games shows influential children that it is okay or “cool” to act in certain ways. I am not going to get too far into that, since we all have our different opinion, and I will respect them all. But maybe if we could take an hour of that free time and just spend time with our children. Let them know that we are still there for them, even if just to force them to spend time with us. (Kidding) I feel as though if they feel as though we are paying attention to them they are going to think twice before making questionable choices.

Manners. This is a big one to me. I feel as though respect has gone down the tubes. You cannot go to McDonalds without getting attitude, as if they did not want you to show up in the drive –thru that day. If you have a job, whether it be handing out fries, or signing paychecks, be thankful. The point is you have a job, you are alive, and you are surrounded by others. Show some respect. As parents we need to instill this into our children young, so focus on being overly polite. Not only does it show great respect for your children to follow, but it also makes those around us feel good. Pay it forward through manners.

Playing outside without all of the toys; my children have a ton of toys, and I am not saying that spending money to get them the toys is wrong, but I also feel as though seeing our children imagination through nature is very inspiring. Many do this already, but if not try it out; Take your children outside, or to a nature park, plan to spend a good 2 hours there. Let them just play. Using their imaginations will show you just how amazing they really are, and how simple life can be.

I understand that we are in a new age, and I am by no means against that. I could also probably go on and on what I feel is right and wrong, but I do it with the understanding that that does not make me right, or wrong. We all have our opinions, and should be open to others. Look around today and just realize what you have and how great life really is. Enjoy the little things. Maybe even go outside and play Red Rover.