I came upon this dog.

It seems as though pets these days are becoming more and more like children. Pets have their own human like beds, outfits that match the mood or weather, and more accessories than even I. I am not one to judge, and to be honest, I think it is cute, and shows that you care. Although for me, they are a pet, and along with a lot of love, I treat them as so.

For myself, when we moved to this Army post, I decided that I for sure was going to get a dog. One, because in general I just love animals, but also for when we were left without a man in the house.

I started out with a puppy, that bit and shredded my children’s skin and clothes. We then got an older puppy that we loved, but needed a friend. On a whim I saw a listing for a two year old dog that is very, very shy. This dog had been abused and did not seem to trust humans. I have a soft spot for any animal that needs help, but bringing a dog into my house around my children is always a nerve racking experience, especially a dog that is iffy of humans. I went anyways and picked this dog up, a little shocked at what I saw. She, the dog, was a lot bigger than I was expecting, and extremely scared.

In the days to follow she would not come near anyone, and if let outside it was a trick to get her come back into our home. We found out that she was sick with many different things ranging from double ear infections, to severe allergies, and also a skin infection. She has had stones in her stomach, ring worm, and also hair loss. Really? This was not exactly what I thought we were getting when getting a family pet.

Long story short we nursed her back and did not give up on making her part of our family. She slowly began to come around more and more, and before we knew it, she was playing with us. Although it seemed as though she had never really played, since she was and still is very awkward with it. Walking was always a trick since she would panic and hide whenever anyone or anything came near.

Let me put this into more of a perspective for you, she is a 100 pound chocolate lab, who at the time we got her, was flabby and very unhealthy. She now 2 years later is still around 100 pounds, and still has flab, but also a ton of muscle. So when she panics during a walk, or really anything, she makes it very difficult to regain control.

Slowly but surely she moved her way into our family and into our hearts. But it was not until my husband deployed that she became my saving grace.

It seems as though my ears became amazingly sensitive when my husband left, I could hear for miles. Maybe not miles, more like inches away from me, but still seemed amazing to me. Over a 12 month period, I do not think I slept more than a few hours of broken up sleep a night. Not to mention the neighborhood we live in was having a peeping tom problem, and also it seemed as though any weirdo’s (sorry if your reading this) in our neighborhood decided to continually stop by the house. I tried everything from moving the vehicles around, to speaking about my husband as though he was home whenever around strangers to make it seem as though I was not alone. I slept with a tire knocker under my pillow and checked on the children numerous times throughout the night. It is exhausting to continually be on alert for a murderer that is about to break in and take your life, or at least exhausting to just think these things.

I would let my dog sleep with me on and off during the time that my husband was gone, but it was not until a housing office member came into the house that I realized she was a protector. The man walked in to do a routine housing inspection, and the dog stood in front of myself and the children and watched the man until he walked out the door. Now this may not seem strange for a dog, but for a dog that seems to be afraid of a fart (yes I said it), let alone a strange man, it was great for me to see.

She began sleeping in bed with me, not only for the protection of her being close, but also for the fact that there was another body in the bed. Now only those of you that have a significant other that leaves for long periods of times will understand that. Sometimes it is nice to have a bed of your own, but after a night or two it becomes hard to sleep without that other body in bed with you. Thankfully my big dog took that place.

I know it all sounds crazy, but thinking of how I came upon this dog that needed help and ended up having her help me seems like such a blessing. There is no way that I would have gotten any sleep during this deployment if I had not had her watching over us. She went from being a scared odd acting dog, to a lover and protector of our family. I truly believe that God brought us together to keep each other safe, and sane.

And yes, she has her own sweatshirt now.

Bucket List

My bucket list: Here is a small list of things that I wish to do before the Lord takes me. I hope you can read this and inspire yourself to step out and begin or complete your list.

1.)    Write a book. I am sure there are a lot of people out there with this same dream. The difference is they probably have some experience. Past this blog… well that’s it, that is all of my experience is writing. I do not even feel as though I need it to be published, although it would be nice, I just want to have the accomplishment.

2.)    Hike with my children over night. I feel as though a lot of families these days use the technology to complete their days. I want my children to enjoy the free gifts that I had as a child. We camped and road bikes, went for walks and fished. We were outside a lot, and spent a lot of time as a family. Hoping that my children have memories more than just the TV and video games, I will make a point to get them outside and moving.

3.)    Donate art to homeless veterans. I know that sounds crazy; there are hundreds of veterans that have gone homeless, and a lot of it contributes to fighting in wars in their lives. Coming out of the military with only having training of killing, does not make it easy to get a job these days. So to give them a small token of art to keep with them, while they struggle with everyday events, seems like a small gift to let them know that they are appreciate for what they have done.

4.)    Take my children to donate toys to sick children. I again want my children to have certain values. One is knowing that they are lucky in life. I also want them to know that giving will always be more than receiving. Being able to bring happiness into the life a child that has battled so much is something that I want to make sure and cross off of my list over and over again.

5.)    Run a marathon. I feel as though we try and live a healthy lifestyle, although we stray from here to there. But I would love to complete a full marathon, in hopes that someday we can run one as a family. I would love to be able to complete the Breast Cancer 3 day walk.

6.)    Get a sleeve. That is right all, tattoos. Shocker right, a military wife with tattoos! I have some already, but I think there is a beauty in women with them. I have also decided that we live once, and no matter what others think or stereotypes that are made, I will do things that make me happy.

7.)    Instill manners into my children. I was once told by a friend that she should have taught her child at a young age to say please and thank you, like I had mine. Do not get me wrong, my children have to be reminded to say it, but they say it. I feel as though, manners have gone out the door these days. I cannot go through a drive thru it seems and not get an ornery person at the window. So my husband and I have made it a point that our children treat others with manners, no matter what they are doing.

8.)    Own a Harley. No, I have never driven a motorcycle. But I think that they are beautiful pieces of machinery. I have also rode with my brother and felt freer than I had ever felt. Hoping to ride across country with my husband someday.

9.)    Learn sign language. I feel as though knowing another language is important. I also feel as though sign language is something that we should learn at an early age. That is something that is not chosen to ‘have’ to speak, and I feel as though it would benefit many to know sign language.

10.) Say thank you to all that have served, and continue to do so. There are many that agree and disagree with the things that go on in the war today. Whether you agree or disagree just remember that these heroes have been through more than most. They are fighting for us to be able to argue or praise what is being done. It is simple to just say thank you, and let them know that they are not forgotten.

11.) Never stop making a bucket list. I will continue to add to my list, and make sure that I start knocking things off. I plan on living at least another 80 years, or more, so I have plenty of time to complete it. The faster I knock things off though, the more things I can accomplish. Do not forget that these years go fast, it is easy to sit and get into a routine, but get up and do something you have not done before. Then do another, again and again.

My love Affair With My iPhone

I was reading an article in this month’s Military Spouse magazine, talking about how we are in love with our iPhones. The author then goes on to state how she realized at that moment that military spouses are literally in love with their phones.

The study says that we are not addicted to the phones as once thought; as compared to the addiction to caffeine, or cocaine, but that rather we are in love with our phones as compared to loving another human being. I did some research of my own and found an article that explains in a little more detail for those of you interested in digging deeper into the frenzy.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/01/opinion/you-love-your-iphone-literally.html

I stated in a previous blog that I could take technology or leave it. I am not going to lie, I enjoy a nice game of Angry Birds, or the freedom to search the internet while driving down the street. (My husband driving at the time, of course.) To feel as though I am addicted, I really do not feel as though I am. If I had to choose something on my phone to keep, I would have to say texting is the one thing that I truly enjoy. I can have conversations with people, and yet not feel as though I am stuck on the phone unable to do other things at the same time. Let’s face it though nobody is addicted to texting, right?? (Insert sarcasm.)

Along with blogging already about the freedom from technology, I had also stated that I 100% understand and feel blessed that I was able to have contact with my husband while he was deployed to Iraq. I will never take away the hardships that families must go through spending weeks without hearing from their loved ones.

Until I read this article in Military Times though, I never really understood at what level those in the military truly depend on our cell phones. At the moments that my husband was deployed or even gone on training expeditions, I never left the house without my phone, or at least not very often. If I did happen to walk out without it, or leave it at the bottom of my purse while in the grocery store I would panic for a minute, worried that I had missed his call. Even though they had explained to us at a briefing to not stress if we miss a call, they stated that the reality is there would be more. But in the situation that we were in I was worried that we may not get another call.

So I would say that for those times that my husband is away, especially the past 12 months, I was truly in love with my phone. I was in love with the voice I heard on the other end, I was in love with the emails I would get to read on the go, and I was in love that for a moment that phone reassured me that he was safe for right then. So thank you iPhone, you were a great love affair to have for a short time in my life.

Heavy Heart

Sometimes I feel as though we go through our days never really understanding why we do what we do. It seems as though days can be routine, and never respected in its full. Taking it for granted would be the proper way to explain it.

Living this lifestyle has taught me so much. It has taught me that there is a line to be drawn when it comes to respect. It has taught me that some days seem longer than others, but everyday that you wake up as a whole family is a great day. It has taught me that nothing is a sure thing, and sometimes in life you truly do not get a choice of which direction your life is going in. One thing though that I have learned in this journey is that there are many days that I am filled with a heavy heart, and that is okay.

It seems as though death is all around us, military or civilian. Sadness is something that is inevitable, even if we think we are made of stone. The hard part for me is watching those that only see sadness in their own lives. I understand that we all have troubles, and I by no means am saying that we should not feel sorrow for ourselves. It is the lack of feeling towards others that weighs heavy on my heart.

One thing that is a sad routine is the routine of loss. In the almost three short years that I have lived on an Army post, there have been many funerals. Another routine that I have noticed is that there are spouses that show no remorse for the families of the ones lost.

It may be the time of year, with holidays and celebrations that are coming up. I just feel as though these are the times that we need to truly come together and show those that have been through those times, that we all pray never happens to us, that they are not alone. Showing compassion for others is something that I wish everyone would demonstrate. I feel as though the ones that have made it through this life of not-knowing forget that others were lost in the road to freedom.

Never take for granted what you have, and never forget that others may not be so lucky. Take extra time out of your day to show others that you have a heavy heart. Let others know that it is okay to feel sad for one another; because it is showing an understanding that you realize in the midst of love there is loss, and sometimes we are the ones that need to show compassion for the ones that have lost. We are in this together, life as a whole, so do not hesitate to help your neighbor. We should not be afraid to show emotions for others sadness. Open our hearts and our ears to the stories of those around us, and to the questions that others have. Teaching is a skill, but learning is a gift.

I hope that you find yourself in the position of showing a heavy heart for others, and not having a heavy heart these holidays for sorrow of your own. If you do though, do not forget that you are not alone, and with tough times comes lessons learned, maybe not just for you but for those willing to open their heart to your sadness also.

Let us not forget...

I think we all tend to take the holidays for granted sometimes. Sometimes I think that we truly miss the true meaning of why we have these celebrations in the first place.

For me this began a few years ago. Even with children, I just felt as though the holidays were such a selfish time of year. A time that people wanted to use as a chance to get the gifts that they have wanted; and a reason to complain about the friends and family that we really do not want to be around. Trust me; we all have at least one in our lives.

Last year was different though. With my husband being deployed the holidays were up to me to make sure that the children were not affected too much by his absence. We were blessed enough to have my parents for Thanksgiving, but Christmas was to be spent as just a family.

One of the biggest lessons that I took away from spending this past year a world apart from my husband, is that we truly got away from the real meaning. It is, anyways Christ's birthday right? That was the problem that I had found myself in, although I made it clear that this was a celebration of his life, my children had no idea who 'he' was. And what his word was truly about.

It is difficult with children of such young ages, and mine had never really been involved in a church setting long enough to really get it. So, it was my goal to make sure that they truly understood. I started by decorating the house in a festive, and inviting way. I then expressed over and over what Christmas really stood for. Part of understanding the celebration part was also understanding that although they receive gifts from Santa, that there are still children that are not so fortunate. So taking the understanding of the meaning of Christmas, my next goal was to instill in my children that Christ wants us to be kind and thoughtful of those around us.

My children have been taught that if they want Santa to bless them with gifts this special time of year, we must thank Christ in a way of helping others. They are to donate toys that they are no longer using, and some that just make too much noise. (They need new homes also.) This also includes their old clothes and winter apparel. They are to give away with the understanding that some families are not as lucky as ours. And we should be thankful for all that we have.

In the name of Christ’s birth we should help to bless others also. I hope that my children understand that with the many celebrations that they are present for, and the many gifts that they are surprised by on Christmas morning that they have helped do their part to help bless others.

This year though, I feel as though we have been blessed in so many more ways. My husband has returned safely and will be with us to celebrate this very special day. We were whole this year when my children donated boxes of toys to families that needed them. And we will be whole to celebrate a new year, knowing that he is home to stay for a while.

Let us not forget the true meaning of this wonderful time of year. Let us not forget that although we may not enjoy some of the extra things that come with it, we are alive and are blessed enough to have family and friends around to spend time with. Let us not forget that some will be one parent short this year. Let us not forget that some will spend this special day as the first without and spouse and/or parent for the rest of their lives. Let us not forget to be kind to those around us, even if we feel as though they may not truly deserve it. Let us not forget the true meaning of this time of year, and carry in his name the kindness that he would hope upon us all.

Lastly have a very Merry Christmas. And for those of you who do not celebrate this special time of year, have a wonderful and safe holiday season, for it is a great time to show your appreciation for others around you.

She is proud that she can be here when he walks through that door.

I would like you to meet a woman that I have met recently. She is a fellow Army wife, and a wonderful woman. I had her answer some questions for me and have put them into a blog for all of you to read.

Her name is Dawn Honsky, and she is from Poughkeepsie, New York. She has three beautiful girls, Kaylee 14, Alexandria 4, and Olivia 1. She has been a military spouse for six years. Her husband has served both in the Army and Marine Corps.

Dawn’s husband has been deployed now to Afghanistan for 8 months, and she is reaching the end of the deployment journey. This is the point that things start to get hard. Many soldiers have lost their lives where he is at, and even in the unit he is with. As she nears the end, she says that she worries more and more about her husband returning safely. Dawn fears that her story will turn into one with the finish line so close, but it is taken from their grasps in an instant.

Many of the questions that come to mind when I think of having the ability to read the mind of a military spouse, is whether or not we are truly different from the outside world. Whether or not military families and civilians are really all that different. I asked Dawn if she felt as though there was a big difference between military families and civilian families. The way of life is different she exclaimed, civilians try to compare themselves, but the emotional side is hard to understand. Civilian families will never fully understand the emotional toll that living this lifestyle truly takes. Dawn’s oldest daughter, Kaylee, understands the situation much more than the younger girls. When she senses her mom is worried about her dad she keeps her feelings to herself, as teenagers often do. Alexandria, her middle child, is having the toughest time of them all. She is daddy’s little girl, and having him taken away for a year is hard for her to understand, but if she senses mommy is feeling down she tries to lift her spirits as a four year old can do. Olivia, the youngest is just a doll. She is at an age that she cannot truly understand why this man is in and out. Although with Dawn and her husband’s patriotic ways she will grow up, as they all will, with the utmost respect for any and all military.

I asked Dawn what she misses the most about living a more ‘stable’ lifestyle, she said one of the things she misses most is having her true support systems with her. Her friends and family from back home. At times when emotions run high, and any military spouse can understand that can be at any time, she finds it easiest to just block it out and try and move on with her day and stay strong for her children. Without that normal stable support system, military spouses have to deal with situations that those in the civilian lifestyles may not understand.

The reality of it is that moments cross our minds when you think that this may not be a forever gig; I am not talking about the fact of not re-enlisting, or retiring from service. A moment for Dawn that really made this set in was when she and her husband had to fill out their will in testament before he deployed. It puts life into perspective that planning for the future is not always a guarentee.

While home visiting family and friends this past summer, she thought to herself that if, “God forbid”, something happen to her husband would this be where she would be? Would anyone ever marry a woman who has three children and the love of her life taken by the hands of freedom? Dawn would never in a normal situation think about a life without her husband, but when you are in the military and 'til death do us part' comes sooner than expected sometimes the thoughts cross your mind, the what ifs. The truth of it is she says, is that she walks by her window every morning praying that she will never see those three men standing at her door, “I dread having my doorbell ring”, she says.  Dawn, as many do, hope that their 'what ifs' will never be answered.

As Dawn and I sat at her dining room table, discussing the questions that I had prepared for her, I could not help but notice all of her Marine Corps pictures and such on the wall behind her. It is hard not to look at anything patriotic, but you can tell it was placed on these walls with pride. She answered my thoughts when I asked if there was a way, or anything that she could say that portrayed her feelings toward her husband and the things that he has accomplished in his career. It was simple, display his life. His military life is something that her husband keeps quiet about; he does not feel as though he has done anything special or needs to be validated in any way. This is Dawn’s silent way of saying thank you; letting her husband and all that walk through the door of her home know that this is the house of a hero. It will grow larger and larger as his Army career grows, as she is proud of him no matter what uniform he walks through that door in. Just as long as at the end of this journey he does in fact, walk through that door.

His name is Chris Honsky, he is from Gouverneur, New York. He is a Sergeant in the United States Army, and between the Army and Marines he has almost 15 years of honorable military experience. He serves with pride and will always live the lifestyle of a Marine. He has a wonderful family that is more proud of him than any I have met so far. Chris has a wife who stays strong when she may feel broken, and children who will forever have a hero.

Dawn is a strong woman, wife, and mother. I appreciate her letting me dig into her head and share just a tiny piece of her life story. I thank her husband for his services, and pray for his safe return.

The world we all share.

Sometimes I wonder how exactly we got to this point in our lives. Going from living in a small town with family all around us, to this. Sometimes I wonder why we have put ourselves, and our children into a lifestyle that is nothing if not inconsistent. And then sometimes I wonder how we have been so blessed to be in this position. How many civilian families get to live the way that we do. I am not speaking money terms either, do not get me wrong we have a paycheck coming in, but we are nowhere near making the big bucks.

What I am talking about is the emotional side of the military life. There are many difficult emotions that families such as ours have to deal with. Children go long periods of time without two parents, and some even without either. Spouses have to try and keep it together living thousands of miles apart. And sometimes there has to be that explanation of why our loved ones will never be seen again. The list could go on and on. Right now though, I am talking about the wonderful emotions.

It is not easy having your loved one gone for months at a time, and sometimes to places that you are not sure if they will come back from. But nobody understands the blessing that we have from being reunited. There really is no way for me to even describe it, no words can get anywhere near the feeling. Then there is the feeling of pride. My husband has done some pretty amazing things, and will do so many more before this journey is over. We are able to see places that we would have never even dreamed of seeing. Places that I did not even know existed. There are relationships that you build with other families that are like none other. There is an understanding that is not normally vocalized, but is always present.

Sometimes I sit and think about how nice it would be to just have my husband home every night. I think about being able to buy a house that we will live in forever. And not having to worry about my children losing their father in an instant. Then just as easily as those thoughts cross my mind I am reminded that this is the life that we have been led into, and I would not change it for anything in the world.

Do not get me wrong, I understand that the military is not the only lifestyle that lives with situation such as these, but this is just the one I am in. I also understand that there are situations that people are living that are much worse than anything I will ever experience. My heart goes out to all of people that have endured heartache in their lives.

Maybe tonight as you settle down, just look around at the things that you have. The blessings you have been given. If you have dealt, or are dealing with troubled times, just know that it truly does make you stronger. And do not for a minute ever think that you are alone, we all have things under the surface that connects us to the world we all share.