A Military Poem

There are many days of a lifetime love

Sometimes we think that we cannot do

What many say is impossibly above

The life of the normal and civilian too

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There are many days that we sit and cry

Too many to clarify how or even why

**

We have days that we wonder

How can we go any more

With the lightning and thunder

We just find a rug and sweep it all under

**

The months go by and we think they will never end

Then a day comes that we cannot even speak to a friend

**

With a ring of the door and a glimpse out the window

I fall to the ground and sob like a widow

**

I was new to the service but knew of the men

Three all dressed and ready to try and mend

**

A heart that is broken

With the wind of the day

I am not sure I can live, we just had until May

**

Now all alone I am not sure what to do

I look right down and I am staring at you

**

Your dad was a hero

A man of little words

He always talked about you

I swear even to the birds

**

He was never able to meet you

We fell two months short

But he will always protect you

Even if from Heaven's port

The Military

The military goes back hundreds of years, and it is no secret that it is a controversy among many. There are many that support the military and many who do not. This is not a blog today to sway you either way, but to let you into my mind for a minute to allow you to see my perspective.

I am not from a military family, I do not remember all but one member of service in my entire family. That did not sway my view on the military and the want to just hug every service member I saw. There is something to be said for men and women who give their freedom of doing what they want to giving themselves for the freedom of others.

It was not until my husband joined the military that seeing what these service members really do became a reality. Now there are many things that you see from some men and woman that was a slap in the face, but remembering that these are still normal human beings reminds me that mistakes in personal lives are still made. There is also the reminder that out of uniform you cannot tell the difference between a military member and a civilian, but when that uniform is on they are nothing of the ordinary. There are nights that they do not sleep, there are days that they do not rest, and there are moments that all they want is a home cooked meal.

My belief is that whether you are for or against the war until you put your feet in those boots and do what they do you have no right to judge these men and woman for doing their job, and protecting your freedom. I feel that it is much easier to sit in your recliner and voice your opinion than to get up and do something for someone other than yourself.

As I am sitting here writing this I have the television on in the background, why I do not know. On the show that has nothing to do with military, a soldier comes into contact with the person on the show and his face is scarred, while in Afghanistan and an IED exploded burning off his face and more. I cannot help but tear up, not necessarily for what he has to deal with the rest of his life, but for the sacrifices he gave up and still has that uniform on. These men and woman not only give up their time and a huge piece of their freedom, but they do it knowing the dangers that they will face.

Between the dangers, the emotions, the families and the friends these service members have given their lives up for you. And whether you are for or against these men and women you should show your respect, as there could come a day that you are in danger, and they would not hesitate to protect you no matter your belief.

To Cry or Not To Cry, That Is The Question

We are strong, we are flexible, we are the silent ranks. We never fail, we never are defeated, and we definitely never cry over spilt milk. Okay the last three were complete lies, and if you disagree with that then well.... you are a mutant.

I did a blog a while back about letting your emotions out and understanding that it is okay. I thought in this blog I would cover some more emotions that we are too prideful to talk about.

Picture this: You take your children to the store ensuring that it is to be quick in and out trip, all you need is bread and milk. As you go into the store you greet the greeter, say hello to some fellow spouses and merrily go about your way. Your children are acting amazing(remember you just walked in), so far so good. BAM the milk hits the floor as you pull it out of the cooler and just spills a little onto the floor. That's it, you lose it, the tears come and they cannot stop. The store assures you it is fine, and they take care of the clean-up. Now your kids are over the trip and want to go home NOW. You are so frustrated that you start whispering in a very threatening way that they are in so much trouble for acting out, and you rush out of the store, nothing in hand. As you get into the car you kids are screaming wanting to know why they are in trouble and you for some reason cannot stop the waterworks, and all you can think is how bad you want your other half there. Over spilt milk really!? Yes, really.

There it was, the breakdown that your mind has been needing and you had no idea was coming. Welcome to the military. There are moments that we all have that not many, especially civilians, understand. There is a moment in being a military spouse that all of the running around and all of the keeping the pieces together when everything seems to crumble. Now another thing that many do not understand is how within hours, we are fine again, well as fine as we can be. I am not saying that civilians do not carry similar burdens on their backs as well, but there are many hidden emotions that only military spouses will understand.

I am specifically saying 'military spouses' because I truly feel that even the military member has little to no idea the weight that is carried on the shoulder of their better half, I mean other half....

There is the obvious deployment, or deployments. These are the hard ones to deal with emotionally. If you have children you are not only attempting to reassure yourself that you are fine, you are reassuring your children as well. There is never a moment that you are not thinking about your spouse hoping and praying that they are okay. They truth of the matter is, we all know that there is a delay in the message being relayed to us on the home front if anything happens so the edge is never taken off.

There are training exercises. These if you are lucky take place on the post you are stationed at, if you're lucky. In most cases, just to toy with us I think, they are not. They are in another state usually far away. And in many cases you are not in much contact with your spouse during this time, which can last from a few weeks to a few months. When you take away the emotion of your husband being away at war, it is almost easier for them to be deployed for a 12 month period. During the deployment you know that they will not be home soon, you know that you will not hear from them for days at a time, you know that you can sit around in your pajamas all day if you want. I never did that....... but you could if you wanted to. When they are away at training there is a date that, to us, is not that far away so it is a waiting game. And trust me, the waiting game can kill you!

There is schooling that is required, again, usually not on the same post. All of these add up to a lot of "me" time. And I don't know many spouses that do not get sick of themselves after a while.

So many things that play an effect on our emotions, too many to count. Seeing dad's or mom's at the park, or let's be honest anywhere; military movies or any movies with happy families, or let's be honest families at all; hallmark movies, or commercials, these are the worst I cannot talk about it, it is too emotional. These simple things and so many more are reminders of what we are missing, and what we could potentially lose forever. It is a great reminder that we do not fully appreciate what we have until it is gone.

A Quick After The Election Blog

Whew! What an election! I can honestly say that although there are MANY unhappy people today and equally as many happy people there is something to be said for the passion we have for our country. I hope at least that is why emotions are running high and not because we want “our guy” to win just so we can rub it in another’s face.

There will never be a president that can make everyone happy, there will never be anything that will make everyone happy, that is a guarantee. One thing we need to keep in mind is that as passionate as we feel our opinion is, it is just that, an opinion. As strong as we may feel about something, someone else may feel just as strong, but in the other direction. The important part of this election, and the next four years with President Obama is that although we may not agree we will stand behind this nation, he may not stand under God, but I will, and he cannot stop that. There are many good points to his presidency, but there are some not so good points as well, as it would be with any president. My point to this blog today is that we cannot change the world, nor can one man, but we need to come to the agreement that we will never be fully satisfied.

Do not hate your neighbor for having a different opinion, embrace the fact that you both can have and voice that opinion freely. Do not hate your friend because he feels differently about religion as you do, embrace that fact that we have religion and the freedom to embark on the religion of our choice. Do not hate the person walking down the street because they are wearing something that you find appalling, or disgraceful love the fact that you woke up this morning with a roof over your head and got to freely choose what you put on your body. We all have different opinions, keep this in mind today as you start up your conversations regarding the president. Things will change, some will stay the same, either way it is scary and by no means predictable. It is easy to say that we can change the world, but the fact is that without all of us thinking the same and feeling the same passion the world will be something of a mystery. That is the beautiful thing about this country and the freedom to feel and speak as we please.

We All Have Something In Our Lives That Weigh Heavy On Our Hearts

The months are passing so fast this year it seems and now that the end of the year is coming upon us we are faced yet again with another year without the man of our family. This Army experience will total 5 ½ years when we are done with it, and we have been a whole family for 2 of them. I am not complaining that he has missed so much, because honestly we have been blessed to have had him with us for that long. But I am having a hard time knowing that this part of our lives will be over in a little over a year. This means no more sleepless nights worrying about his safety, no more running from the news afraid to hear of more deaths and hoping it was not where he was located, and no more wondering when he will be home for dinner. In the same breath though this also means no more helicopters flying overhead in the middle of the night, no more artillery shaking our house at all hours, no more driving to the store and seeing soldiers in formation, these things that I strangely love so much. I could go on and on with the things that I will miss about this lifestyle, but the truth of it is, I will just plain miss this lifestyle altogether.

I will never look at a single parent the same, nor will I see a child with his parent the same either. Seeing a women in the grocery store break out into tears because she dropped her purse will always make my stomach drop, and hearing gunfire at a funeral will always make me cry. Situations that we do not understand and in no means have to, but we can understand enough that we all have something in our lives that weighs heavy on our hearts.

As a person in the military you learn so much and you take so much from the situations that you endure. Rightfully so, you also take a lot on your mind and emotions that you may not be able to describe. I do not feel as though as a spouse we have a lot of right to complain, as we are not the ones that have leave or the ones in direct harm’s way. With that said, I cannot help but feel so many emotions of this lifestyle that I do not want to leave behind. As we get closer to moving away and entering the full blown civilian lifestyle I am realizing how much the military has affected me as a spouse as well. I have made friendships that I will never find again, the understanding that you could have a friend for 6 months and they never once have met your spouse. I have realized in myself that I can do this on my own, I can be a single parent and make sense of it all while being so confused along the way. I will never look at Skype the same again as it was my life for 12 months. So many things that I am taking with me that I never in a million years thought would affect me so much, and yet here I sit, tearful as I think about it.

I do not really have a point to today’s blog, other than to put down in writing my love for the military. Not all of it was good, not all of it was bad, but it is what it is. It is a life that I will never forget and a life that many will never live. It is a life that has made me feel emotions I never knew I had, and has made me love my husband in ways I never thought possible.  I will cherish the years we spent living in this strange lifestyle, but I will never cherish it more than I will cherish this last sprint of our journey.

So here is to the next journey in our life, knowing that this is our last Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years until another whole year has passed. And oddly enough, I would not change it for anything in the world.

This is for you bully.

According to bing.com a bully is as stated; aggressive person: an aggressive person who intimidates or mistreats weaker people.

October is anti-bully awareness month, and many schools and organizations are doing their part to raise awareness to the growing trend.

I have had numerous friends talking about the issues that their children are having at school with bullies and the tough times that their children are having dealing with it. I understand that bullying is something that comes with life, something that has been around since man learned to sin. It is hard in this day and time with the growing ability to find and look at anything on the internet, television, movies,  and more. Bullying seems to be something that is getting harsher and dealt from the hand at a very young age. So what now, how to we stop it?

The sad reality is that we will never be able to stop it. Bullying is something that will do nothing but grow as we live and the unfortunate victims will just need to learn how to deal with it. With all of this said, I have chose to not write a blog about how I think we stop bullying but rather to take this time to say a few words to all the bullies out there.

You are human, you are alive, you are breathing and bleed just like everyone else. You have hair and nails, and most likely wear underwear. So how do I know that you are indeed a bully? You are all of these things and much much more. You are hateful, you are weak, you are spiteful, and you are pathetic. Do I think that you are worthless, no, I think that you need a reality check, and I think that you perhaps needed better guidance.

Bullying comes in many forms, stating how someone looks in a negative way, stating that someone sounds funny for the way that they talk, laughing when someone else is being picked on, putting your hands on someone else, yelling at someone, throwing things, I could go on and on. The point is bullying comes in many shapes and forms, and you may think that you are the one on the outside, but evaluate yourself and truly take notice on how you treat others.

What is the point, what do you really gain from picking on another, and do you really actually gain anything from it. Your friends laugh at what you do and you feel a sense of power, but you need to realize they are laughing with you because they do not want to be the ones laughed at. Your superiors look at you as a weakling, not because you are physically, but that you are too weak to take the path of being kind and understanding and instead take the path of attempting to be on top. You will grow up to be a bully and teach your children to be bullies, and your adult friends will wonder why you are the way you are.

You see, you bully those around you to make yourself feel as though you are in power, but the reality of it is you are the one on the outside. Others look at you as the odd one, the one that is different.

Have you never been hurt? Have you never been sad, or felt what it is like to lose? And have you been happy and excited for something? Have you felt love from another, or ever lost someone that is close to you. Take all of these emotions and wrap them together, your victims, the ones you pray on,  and for some this could many, as the victim you feel all of these emotions wrapped into one. You are always hurt, you are always lost, you can be happy and sad at the same time. It is not funny or "cool" to make someone hurt this way.

Bullying is something that everyone will deal with at some point in their lives, I use this as a way to teach my own children that they do not like the way it feels, and at no point should they make others feel this way.

Learn from your hatred that you can change, you can be better. Learn from your hatred that you do not have to be this way, and that you are stronger by choosing a different path. You are weaker the meaner you are, and you are sad to watch.

Next time you get the urge to punch or speak with hate, try something different, say something else or say nothing at all. If you are an adult, think of your children, maybe they will be the ones that will be bullied, maybe they will be the ones hurt by someone just as yourself.

And to the victims

God made us all equal, it does not mean that some are better looking than others, or there is a right or wrong way to speak. Our body types are not meant to be the same, or judged. And if you are the one being bullied, my heart breaks for you, but know that this moment in your life does not last forever. You will grow up, and you will instill in others, or maybe just yourself, that pride that you were not the one dealing the hate, but that you survived it. You are stronger than any bully, it does not need to be physically, but emotionally also. Bullies are weak and worthless in their actions. Bullies target those that they see as different and threatening to their own character. Bullies are lost and will never be found if they cannot change. You are a warrior.

Here We Go Again

It seems as though my husband just got home from his 12 month deployment to Iraq, and now we are preparing for 15 months in Korea. I am not sad, but I am bummed. We still have six months until he actually leaves, two of which he will be gone for schooling, so we will say four months. But now that the transportation is being scheduled, and the discussions of what will be taken with him are being had I cannot help but think of all of the things he is going to miss once again.

Last years Halloween was the second one he had spent with our daughter, she is eight. The birthdays that he missed will be missed again this year, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Groundhogs day, Grandparents day, Secretaries day and more. Alright, half of those are not important, nor could I tell you the dates of them. For my children though my heart hurts a bit at the fact that he will not be here.

I am so very thankful though for technology right now, Skype of course is our way of communication when he is away, and I fully understand that many do not have that blessing. And of course the fact that he will be in Korea and not Afghanistan is weight lifted off of my shoulders, and although he is not happy that he will not be doing a tour in Afghanistan I cannot help but be thankful.

The biggest difference this time around is I will be moving home. Due to some complications out of my control I will be leaving my amazing new home and moving closer to my family. I am getting excited about seeing everyone and being able to have the support, but as any military wife will tell you it just is not the same.

I saw a sign the other day that read 'You know you’re a military wife when your neighbors have never met or seen your husband', that is more true than I can explain. While moving home is great, it lacks the true understanding of what it is like to see your husband two years in the past five and a half. It lacks the true understanding of a wife tearing up when she sees a dad with his children at the grocery store. It lacks the true understanding of holding your breath when you hear of helicopter crash or death of a military member on the news. For these reasons and more I will miss this home so very much.

I thank God that we have three children that are more and more flexible as the years go on. My husband and I have always said we would make the most out of any where we go and our children have followed that path. The fact of the matter is that our children are use to things being given to them and then just as quickly ripped away. At least once every two weeks one of my children will come home with frosting on their face and I will ask them if they have had yet another birthday in their class and more times than not they will answer no. The cupcakes are brought by the children on the last day they will be there. My children make friends and then lose friends, they get comfortable with a doctor and then the doctor gets reassigned, they get use to having dad home and he is gone again. And yet, they move on.

I spoke with a woman in the commissary the other day that had married her husband nine months ago and that was when she became a military spouse. Her husband was immediately assigned to Korea and she had been here with her two boys alone the whole time. She was ready for him to be home and told me that she was not cut out for the military life. Her last statement to me though I feel proved her own statement wrong. As we said goodbye and I wished her luck she said thank you and that she was one more day ahead of yesterday. That is it right there. No situation is the same, and we all cope differently, but remembering that you can never rewind or slow time down does not hurt in moments like these.  

We have been grateful that my husband has spent the last year very close to home. With little training exercises and schools here on post we have not had to share him too much with the military passed his duty times. I am grateful for this.

So here is to another year apart, and to all the times we have had together in this past year. Here is to all of the other families that are much worse off than us, and to the families that will say goodbye many more times. Here is to my friends that I have made in this lifestyle that will understand more than others. And here is to the moments that have been taken away forever.