I'm Stuck

I have been sending my resume out for about a week now, and have been to interviews already and still have more to come. I get really excited to think about the job that I am interviewing for and the fact of being back out in the workforce. Then I lay in bed at night, and think about how I have to leave my children with someone else, and I lose my thunder.

It is so hard to think about leaving my children, and yet it is hard to not be working. I know that there are many stay at home moms that feel this way, but is it really so hard???

At this point I have been a stay at home mother for three years now, I have been able to raise my youngest since he was born. I have not been to a real job in three years, and I have not missed any school functions in three years. I was there for my middle child's first day of Preschool, and my daughters Kindergarten graduation. There is no calling in when my children are sick, and no worrying about being late when my hair is not working out. I can make a fool of myself while "working" and no one will know. Well unless my children tell, which is normally how it works out.

When I worked I was able to get away. Now as a parent you know that we love our children dearly, but having some adult conversations can get you through just about anything. I felt a sense of power because I was important to people that were not related to me. I was not only staying home being a mother, but I was going to work everyday then coming home and finishing up the day with my family. And not to mention the paycheck... it was not much, but it was a paycheck. I was contributing to my family and to the income that supported us.

Then of course there is the dreaded daycare. Not only the stress of finding one that you are comfortable with, but also one that you can afford. Is it really worth it in the end, if I am merely breaking even? They are getting the experience of being around other children. They are also exposed to education that we may not provide at home.

So here I am... I'm stuck. Which direction do I go? Do I hand my children over to someone else to care for just so that I may enter back into the adult world? Do I hand my children over to someone else to care for just so that I can make a few extra bucks? Do I hand my children over to someone else to care for just so that I may feel the sense of importance?

I guess we will see where this journey takes me, but for now I will tend to my children. I will enjoy every ounce of love that they carry, and all of the lessons that they are not only learning, but also teaching me as well.

Red Rover

“Green light!”

“Red Light!”

“Gotcha!”

My children and husband were on our way home from the park one evening and after a short race with the kids, my husband asked if they wanted to play ‘Red light, green light’, to both his and my surprise they did not know what that game was.

I watched for a few minutes, in awe of how lucky I am to have a husband who adores our children enough to spend his extra time teaching them a silly game. I also got thinking to myself how sad it is that there a lot of children who have no idea how to play that game, or know how to fish, or have any idea what an encyclopedia is.

Do not get me wrong, I love technology(hence the blog), but I also feel that it is so much more important to equipped our children with the lessons that we learned as children, and maybe add a 20^th century twist to it.

For example, get off your butts and get outside. How you say it to your children is up to you, but let us remember that before shipping our small children outside by themselves, we need to remember that we are in the new age of technology. There are people out there that can find us very easy and very quickly, there are people out there that can get on a computer and find which street houses the most children. And then pray on them. I live on a military installation, and much to my surprise children run freely around the neighborhoods, small children. Now I know I have touched base on this before, but once again we are all human, just because we live the military life does not mean that each and every one of us is purely good. So remember when telling your children to head outside, join them. Protect them, while teaching them simple games that you played as a child. Join them for a game of soccer, or a nice round of tag.

And then there are video games, and all of the controversy that goes along with them. I have to admit, I am not a fan of letting my children play games all the time. And I do feel as if playing violent games shows influential children that it is okay or “cool” to act in certain ways. I am not going to get too far into that, since we all have our different opinion, and I will respect them all. But maybe if we could take an hour of that free time and just spend time with our children. Let them know that we are still there for them, even if just to force them to spend time with us. (Kidding) I feel as though if they feel as though we are paying attention to them they are going to think twice before making questionable choices.

Manners. This is a big one to me. I feel as though respect has gone down the tubes. You cannot go to McDonalds without getting attitude, as if they did not want you to show up in the drive –thru that day. If you have a job, whether it be handing out fries, or signing paychecks, be thankful. The point is you have a job, you are alive, and you are surrounded by others. Show some respect. As parents we need to instill this into our children young, so focus on being overly polite. Not only does it show great respect for your children to follow, but it also makes those around us feel good. Pay it forward through manners.

Playing outside without all of the toys; my children have a ton of toys, and I am not saying that spending money to get them the toys is wrong, but I also feel as though seeing our children imagination through nature is very inspiring. Many do this already, but if not try it out; Take your children outside, or to a nature park, plan to spend a good 2 hours there. Let them just play. Using their imaginations will show you just how amazing they really are, and how simple life can be.

I understand that we are in a new age, and I am by no means against that. I could also probably go on and on what I feel is right and wrong, but I do it with the understanding that that does not make me right, or wrong. We all have our opinions, and should be open to others. Look around today and just realize what you have and how great life really is. Enjoy the little things. Maybe even go outside and play Red Rover.

Madyson's Story

My daughter Madyson is a wonderful and beautiful child. She reads and writes all the time and I would love to share some of her stories with you. Here is her latest.

A puppy is lost in Africa. She is in Africa to see lions. Lions are scary. Really Scary. The puppys name was Princess. Princess is a chocolate lab.

Princess was lost in Africa for 16 days until a girl named Leana came to Africa. Leana was a nice girl, she fed Princess, she gave Princess water. Princess loved it.

One day an airplane came to pick up Leana. Princess was very, very sad. She did not want Leana to leave. Leana did not want to leave either, but she had to go home.

Leana told the airplane driver to come back in April. It was January. Princess was happy.

In February Princess and Leana ate mangos, apples, and kiwi. It was good.

In March they ate kiwi, oranges, and salad. That was good too.

In April they ate mangos, apples, and kiwis again. But at the end of April Leana had to leave. She said bye to Princess and left.

In July Leana came back with her family to see Princess. Princess was so so happy to see Leana. Leana was happy to see Princess.

THE END.

Hitting it head on.

It has been a while since I have written a blog. Many of those who know me know that my middle child has been having some health problems. Throughout the doctor’s visits, and hospital stays I try and stress to others that he has something wrong, but it is not serious. It never became an issue that I felt really needed to be stressed until we began visiting a children’s hospital to see a specialist.

The hospital is amazing; it was built and designed specifically for children. The most amazing thing though is all of the children there. I understand not all of them are there for serious issues, but it does not change the fact that they are there. Many of them are there day after day, week after week. I thank God that my child is only there so often and yet I thank God for allowing me to see the children that are seriously ill, and have the strength of warriors. They are only children, but are enduring much more than many adults with ever endure.

My child stayed in the hospital overnight for a procedure that was being done the following day. After being discharged the next afternoon, we road in the elevator with a lady that had a bag full of clothes from her daughter that was staying in the hospital. She asked how the stay was and what he was there for. She said she was curious because the floor was mainly full of children all with a similar type of illness. I wish I could remember what the name of the illness was, but it was hard to focus when all I could think was how bad I felt. Here I was walking out after 24 hours with my child, up and around going home. The woman was heading home to do laundry and spend time with her other four children, since she has been in and out of the hospital with her daughter for the past 11 months. Her daughter was only a year and a half old, and yet the mother seemed so strong. It was life, these were the cards they were dealt, and she was handling it the best she could.  

I wanted to hug her, I wanted to cry for her, I wanted to take the illness from her daughter for a day and let them just be normal for that short time. All of the children, I wish I could just make it better, I wish I could just let all of them know that they are amazing and strong… amazingly strong.

I have three children, three healthy children. Although sometimes I would like to trade them in, or even just give them away.(Especially today in the bank, but that is a whole other blog.) They are my wonderful children. I do not know how I would react if they ever fall victim to a serious illness or disease, or if I were to ever lose any of them. But seeing these children and their parents, I realized that life is too short to worry about what is to come, it is here for the taking. Cherish the moments we have together, the sunny days, and the calming rain. Be strong in the moments that we need to be, and do not feel ashamed to give in to emotions at times also.

Recently I was contacted by a woman asking to name her blog in mine to have others check her out. I was so happy to hear that she is a contributor on the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance Blog. Her name is Melanie Bowen and she is an advocate for natural health and cancer patients. I think it is great that she hits the issues head on and gives great advice on staying as healthy as you can. I am attaching the link to her page on Mesothelioma.com, but I ask that you check the whole website out as it gives not only great support but also news of things going on in everyday life.

I hope that after you have read this blog you will look around at the life you are living and cherish it a bit more. We will all face something in our lives that we think may break us, but never forget that others are hitting their fears head on with not only fear, but also courage.

http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/melanie/

I came upon this dog.

It seems as though pets these days are becoming more and more like children. Pets have their own human like beds, outfits that match the mood or weather, and more accessories than even I. I am not one to judge, and to be honest, I think it is cute, and shows that you care. Although for me, they are a pet, and along with a lot of love, I treat them as so.

For myself, when we moved to this Army post, I decided that I for sure was going to get a dog. One, because in general I just love animals, but also for when we were left without a man in the house.

I started out with a puppy, that bit and shredded my children’s skin and clothes. We then got an older puppy that we loved, but needed a friend. On a whim I saw a listing for a two year old dog that is very, very shy. This dog had been abused and did not seem to trust humans. I have a soft spot for any animal that needs help, but bringing a dog into my house around my children is always a nerve racking experience, especially a dog that is iffy of humans. I went anyways and picked this dog up, a little shocked at what I saw. She, the dog, was a lot bigger than I was expecting, and extremely scared.

In the days to follow she would not come near anyone, and if let outside it was a trick to get her come back into our home. We found out that she was sick with many different things ranging from double ear infections, to severe allergies, and also a skin infection. She has had stones in her stomach, ring worm, and also hair loss. Really? This was not exactly what I thought we were getting when getting a family pet.

Long story short we nursed her back and did not give up on making her part of our family. She slowly began to come around more and more, and before we knew it, she was playing with us. Although it seemed as though she had never really played, since she was and still is very awkward with it. Walking was always a trick since she would panic and hide whenever anyone or anything came near.

Let me put this into more of a perspective for you, she is a 100 pound chocolate lab, who at the time we got her, was flabby and very unhealthy. She now 2 years later is still around 100 pounds, and still has flab, but also a ton of muscle. So when she panics during a walk, or really anything, she makes it very difficult to regain control.

Slowly but surely she moved her way into our family and into our hearts. But it was not until my husband deployed that she became my saving grace.

It seems as though my ears became amazingly sensitive when my husband left, I could hear for miles. Maybe not miles, more like inches away from me, but still seemed amazing to me. Over a 12 month period, I do not think I slept more than a few hours of broken up sleep a night. Not to mention the neighborhood we live in was having a peeping tom problem, and also it seemed as though any weirdo’s (sorry if your reading this) in our neighborhood decided to continually stop by the house. I tried everything from moving the vehicles around, to speaking about my husband as though he was home whenever around strangers to make it seem as though I was not alone. I slept with a tire knocker under my pillow and checked on the children numerous times throughout the night. It is exhausting to continually be on alert for a murderer that is about to break in and take your life, or at least exhausting to just think these things.

I would let my dog sleep with me on and off during the time that my husband was gone, but it was not until a housing office member came into the house that I realized she was a protector. The man walked in to do a routine housing inspection, and the dog stood in front of myself and the children and watched the man until he walked out the door. Now this may not seem strange for a dog, but for a dog that seems to be afraid of a fart (yes I said it), let alone a strange man, it was great for me to see.

She began sleeping in bed with me, not only for the protection of her being close, but also for the fact that there was another body in the bed. Now only those of you that have a significant other that leaves for long periods of times will understand that. Sometimes it is nice to have a bed of your own, but after a night or two it becomes hard to sleep without that other body in bed with you. Thankfully my big dog took that place.

I know it all sounds crazy, but thinking of how I came upon this dog that needed help and ended up having her help me seems like such a blessing. There is no way that I would have gotten any sleep during this deployment if I had not had her watching over us. She went from being a scared odd acting dog, to a lover and protector of our family. I truly believe that God brought us together to keep each other safe, and sane.

And yes, she has her own sweatshirt now.

Bucket List

My bucket list: Here is a small list of things that I wish to do before the Lord takes me. I hope you can read this and inspire yourself to step out and begin or complete your list.

1.)    Write a book. I am sure there are a lot of people out there with this same dream. The difference is they probably have some experience. Past this blog… well that’s it, that is all of my experience is writing. I do not even feel as though I need it to be published, although it would be nice, I just want to have the accomplishment.

2.)    Hike with my children over night. I feel as though a lot of families these days use the technology to complete their days. I want my children to enjoy the free gifts that I had as a child. We camped and road bikes, went for walks and fished. We were outside a lot, and spent a lot of time as a family. Hoping that my children have memories more than just the TV and video games, I will make a point to get them outside and moving.

3.)    Donate art to homeless veterans. I know that sounds crazy; there are hundreds of veterans that have gone homeless, and a lot of it contributes to fighting in wars in their lives. Coming out of the military with only having training of killing, does not make it easy to get a job these days. So to give them a small token of art to keep with them, while they struggle with everyday events, seems like a small gift to let them know that they are appreciate for what they have done.

4.)    Take my children to donate toys to sick children. I again want my children to have certain values. One is knowing that they are lucky in life. I also want them to know that giving will always be more than receiving. Being able to bring happiness into the life a child that has battled so much is something that I want to make sure and cross off of my list over and over again.

5.)    Run a marathon. I feel as though we try and live a healthy lifestyle, although we stray from here to there. But I would love to complete a full marathon, in hopes that someday we can run one as a family. I would love to be able to complete the Breast Cancer 3 day walk.

6.)    Get a sleeve. That is right all, tattoos. Shocker right, a military wife with tattoos! I have some already, but I think there is a beauty in women with them. I have also decided that we live once, and no matter what others think or stereotypes that are made, I will do things that make me happy.

7.)    Instill manners into my children. I was once told by a friend that she should have taught her child at a young age to say please and thank you, like I had mine. Do not get me wrong, my children have to be reminded to say it, but they say it. I feel as though, manners have gone out the door these days. I cannot go through a drive thru it seems and not get an ornery person at the window. So my husband and I have made it a point that our children treat others with manners, no matter what they are doing.

8.)    Own a Harley. No, I have never driven a motorcycle. But I think that they are beautiful pieces of machinery. I have also rode with my brother and felt freer than I had ever felt. Hoping to ride across country with my husband someday.

9.)    Learn sign language. I feel as though knowing another language is important. I also feel as though sign language is something that we should learn at an early age. That is something that is not chosen to ‘have’ to speak, and I feel as though it would benefit many to know sign language.

10.) Say thank you to all that have served, and continue to do so. There are many that agree and disagree with the things that go on in the war today. Whether you agree or disagree just remember that these heroes have been through more than most. They are fighting for us to be able to argue or praise what is being done. It is simple to just say thank you, and let them know that they are not forgotten.

11.) Never stop making a bucket list. I will continue to add to my list, and make sure that I start knocking things off. I plan on living at least another 80 years, or more, so I have plenty of time to complete it. The faster I knock things off though, the more things I can accomplish. Do not forget that these years go fast, it is easy to sit and get into a routine, but get up and do something you have not done before. Then do another, again and again.

My love Affair With My iPhone

I was reading an article in this month’s Military Spouse magazine, talking about how we are in love with our iPhones. The author then goes on to state how she realized at that moment that military spouses are literally in love with their phones.

The study says that we are not addicted to the phones as once thought; as compared to the addiction to caffeine, or cocaine, but that rather we are in love with our phones as compared to loving another human being. I did some research of my own and found an article that explains in a little more detail for those of you interested in digging deeper into the frenzy.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/01/opinion/you-love-your-iphone-literally.html

I stated in a previous blog that I could take technology or leave it. I am not going to lie, I enjoy a nice game of Angry Birds, or the freedom to search the internet while driving down the street. (My husband driving at the time, of course.) To feel as though I am addicted, I really do not feel as though I am. If I had to choose something on my phone to keep, I would have to say texting is the one thing that I truly enjoy. I can have conversations with people, and yet not feel as though I am stuck on the phone unable to do other things at the same time. Let’s face it though nobody is addicted to texting, right?? (Insert sarcasm.)

Along with blogging already about the freedom from technology, I had also stated that I 100% understand and feel blessed that I was able to have contact with my husband while he was deployed to Iraq. I will never take away the hardships that families must go through spending weeks without hearing from their loved ones.

Until I read this article in Military Times though, I never really understood at what level those in the military truly depend on our cell phones. At the moments that my husband was deployed or even gone on training expeditions, I never left the house without my phone, or at least not very often. If I did happen to walk out without it, or leave it at the bottom of my purse while in the grocery store I would panic for a minute, worried that I had missed his call. Even though they had explained to us at a briefing to not stress if we miss a call, they stated that the reality is there would be more. But in the situation that we were in I was worried that we may not get another call.

So I would say that for those times that my husband is away, especially the past 12 months, I was truly in love with my phone. I was in love with the voice I heard on the other end, I was in love with the emails I would get to read on the go, and I was in love that for a moment that phone reassured me that he was safe for right then. So thank you iPhone, you were a great love affair to have for a short time in my life.